Emily and Michael sought therapy to discuss their daughter’s school issues but soon revealed a different, common problem among working parents: feeling overwhelmed by their hectic routines. Daily stress from managing their children’s schedules, long work hours, and constant electronic interruptions left them unhappy and unsure of how to change.
As experts in child and family psychology (Anthony) and management psychology (Paul), we recognize these struggles.how do you take control of your life. Many people express feeling overwhelmed, stuck, and indecisive. Life’s fast pace often leads to anxiety and inaction. To counter this, we need more agency—the ability to manage distractions, find balance, think clearly, and take effective action. In our book, The Power of Agency, we outline seven steps to enhance personal agency, improving life at work, in relationships, and overall.
1. Control Stimuli
Agency starts with managing what enters your mind. If your attention is constantly hijacked, it’s hard to regain control. For instance, having a phone nearby can be distracting, while taking a walk can help restore your focus. To increase agency, spend time in quiet, screen-free environments, such as nature or workspaces without phone notifications.
2. Associate Selectively
The people around us significantly impact our emotions and thoughts. Set boundaries with negative individuals and avoid unproductive online interactions. Instead, surround yourself with supportive friends, family, and communities. Positive social interactions boost your mental and physical health, which are crucial for agency.
3. Move
Physical activity, combined with proper rest and nutrition, balances your body and mind, enhancing motivation and stamina. Research shows even brief breaks from inactivity are beneficial. Exercise can also improve self-control, crucial for agency. If you feel overwhelmed at work, take short breaks to move or discuss issues during a walking meeting and take back control of your life
4. Position Yourself as a Learner
High-agency individuals continually learn and adopt a collaborative approach to life. Nurture curiosity by exploring new ideas, skills, and people. Take classes, engage in hands-on activities, or practise mindfulness to combat fear of failure. Embrace a growth mindset, recognizing that you are capable of learning and changing.
5. Manage Your Emotions and Beliefs
Unconscious beliefs and emotions like fear or sadness can undermine agency. Increasing awareness of how these factors influence your thoughts and actions can boost confidence. Practice self-reflection to slow down your thinking and question negative emotions. Techniques like deep breathing and mindfulness can help you manage emotions and enhance agency.
6. Check Your Intuition
Intuition, derived from accumulated life experiences, can aid creativity and decision-making. Trust your gut feelings in uncertain situations, but differentiate intuition from bias. In emotionally charged scenarios, slow down and gather more information before acting. Strategic intuition emerges after prolonged practice, allowing experts to perform seamlessly under pressure.
7. Deliberate, Then Act
Low-agency individuals often struggle with decision-making due to procrastination, excessive worry, or impulsiveness. For significant decisions, create a reflective environment, clarify objectives, and gather facts. Generate multiple options, draft a plan, and let your mind rest before finalising it. Higher-agency individuals act with 80 percent certainty, allowing for reassessment if needed.
Practising these strategies enhances your ability to take charge of your life. When something feels off, don’t ignore it. Instead, pause, pay attention, and seek a better path. Developing greater agency empowers you to influence your life and positively impact others
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